Friends and family used to get hit with this question on a fairly regular basis.  It’s been asked literally thousands of times over the course of my life and the answer never presents itself.  And I would actually LOVE for the answer to present itself.  Some sort of Letter From The Universe saying “Dear Kodie,  You are single because… you’re too loud, you’re obnoxious, you’re difficult, you’re too fat, you’re unattractive” or whatever.  Just a reason that I could point to and say “Oh, THAT’S why I’m single.  And while those descriptions may fit me at one time or another, in reality, I’m none of those things on a regular basis.  For the most part, I’m a pretty good catch!  I’m smart, I’m funny and gosh darnit, people like me!

My quest for a meaningful relationship has been fraught with disaster and disappointment – whose hasn’t?  My friends and family love to blame whatever my current occupation is with my reason for being single.  When I sold cars for a living; “You’re too busy to meet anyone!”  When I was a singer;  “Men are intimidated by you.”  When I was a school teacher; “You spend all your time with a bunch of high schoolers!”  When I was an unemployed bum traveling the world; “You don’t seem like you want to settle down.”  When I was a stewardess (an occupation that finally stuck); “You travel too much.”  And the list goes on.  A gigantic laundry list of excuses as to why I cannot find Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.  My life has been a continuous revolving door of men, some “One-Night-Stands“, some “One Date Wonders”, some “Weekend Flings“, some “Short But Sweet” love affairs, some ridiculous noncommittal “We’ve Been Dating for Six Months But You’re Still Not My Girlfriend” situations and one bona-fide “Boyfriend” (not found online, actually).  So, what gives?  Why is it so hard to find love online?  Or anywhere for that matter?  Do I have unrealistic expectations?  Are my standards too high?  Is it….gulp…..is it ME??  What is it??  Sane, beautiful, intelligent women everywhere have spent countless hours annoying the hell out of their friends and family asking them this one, all-consuming question – “Why Am I Single???”   I know this because I have LOADS of beautiful, intelligent, witty, fabulous friends and we are all in the SAME BOAT!!  It’s one of the great mysteries of the universe.  How can so many men out there claim to be looking for love and be overlooking women like us?

A friend told me once to write down what I was looking for in a man and then it would come to me.  Sort of like that book “The Secret” where you put it out there into the universe and it just happens because you want it.  Well, here’s my little “secret” for you – just writing it down won’t make it happen. I wrote that list years ago and, guess what? I’m still single. However, if I could write my dream man into existence he would embody the following qualities…

Kodie’s Dream Man:
Beautiful (to me)

Honest

Intelligent

Funny – in a self-deprecating sort of way

Confident

Capable

Adventurous

Masculine yet understanding of femininity

Kind

Financially secure

Non-smoker

Compassionate

Supportive

Motivated

Successful

Happy

Well-traveled (or willing to go along with me)

Educated

Articulate

Pursues multiple interests (not women)

Faithful

Spiritual

Uninhibited

Loving

Generous

Passionate

Thoughtful

Helpful

Handy

Charming

Charismatic

Idealistic

Creative

And there you have it folks.  The list of qualities that I am seeking in an individual which has so far managed to elude me.   Maybe it’s actually hindered this whole soul mate-finding process.  Because as far as I can tell, all it’s gotten me are a lot of lonely nights on the couch next to my Imaginary Boyfriend watching Sex and the City reruns and wondering why I can’t find my “Big!“ Actually, Mr. Big is a dick so scratch that but you get the idea.  Am I asking for too much?  Maybe.  Maybe there isn’t a guy on the planet that can live up to this list.  But, to be honest, I feel like I pretty much bring those qualities to the table so really maybe I’m seeking someone more like me.  My male counterpart – my masculine version of myself.  Someone to complement me – enhance me – highlight my good qualities and help diminish the negative ones, and vice versa.  Does that make sense?  Who the hell knows?  But I’m still looking for him.